Life sucks sometimes. And it certainly is unfair to good people. Wouldn't it be great if life was always fair and exciting? This sounds awesome! But the problem is we are picky creatures. We have a built-in desire to make things better to where we will always have problems. Problems follow us like our shadows. Solve a nagging problem and a new problem reveals itself. What a burden this is to be perpetually plagued by problems!
This treadmilling of problems is so pervasive that I believe experiencing resistance is a defining feature of humanity. Resistance is a word that can have many different meanings, so let's get our definitions straight. When I say resistance in this essay, I simply mean an opposing force or problem. Most people would agree that opposing forces and problems suck, but I believe embracing resistance is necessary for development.
Embracing resistance does not absolve us of our problems, but it can leave us with better problems. It is difficult to objectively say what constitutes a “better” problem. However, most of us will agree on which scenario is favorable in the following example.
Would you rather:
Have problems deciding where to invest your spare money or
Have problems deciding whether to put your only available cash towards your credit card debt or rent.
Unless you were born with a silver spoon in your hand or have the luck of a lottery winner, you need to embrace a certain level of resistance in order to face financial problems that more closely resemble scenario one. Some examples of facing resistance could include working extra hard at a job for a raise, attending classes to develop marketable skills, or starting a business. Regardless of how you go about this, you must embrace something that sucks in the short term if you want less problems like scenario two.
There are three critical domains where embracing resistance gives us better problems.
Physical Resistance
The most obvious place where resistance leads to improvement is in the physical domain. Resistance in the physical domain can include engaging in sports, strength training, and cardio training. Bearing physical resistance is as simple as doing something that is physically difficult for you. If you feel a little sore later, then congrats. Enjoy the burn of physical resistance.
Enduring physical resistance is key because our bodies fall apart without resistance. In fact, the musculoskeletal system is built on actively wearing down muscles and bones in order to rebuild them stronger. Muscles tear in the face of resistance, but our cellular signaling rebuilds them stronger. Bones become denser when they experience resistance to better handle future stresses.
Even gravity, one of the most basic physical resistances, plays a major role in cellular signaling. In fact, our cells kill themselves in the absence of gravity seen on Earth, among other issues.
Here are two scenarios illustrating how embracing physical resistance can lead you to better problems.
You struggle to walk up the stairs because your legs are sore from a strength training regimen.
You struggle to walk up the stairs because your arteries are filled with plaque.
Both situations involve fatigue and a certain level of pain, but I think we can both agree that scenario one is associated with much less overall pain than scenario two. Especially if we consider the second order effects our health has on those we love. It’s a strange paradox that embracing short-term pain in the physical domain can lead us to less pain overall.
It isn’t easy to face physical resistance, but the best way to embrace the suck in the physical domain is by becoming someone who values exercise and nutrition over the comforts of lethargy.
Cognitive Resistance
The cognitive domain is another important place to cultivate a mindset of embracing resistance. Cognitive resistance refers to the challenges you face by pushing the limits of your knowledge. This can be from trying a new skill, sport, or musical instrument.
Cognitive resistance is important because when we avoid it, we increase our risk of debilitating diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's Disease, and dementia. Much like our bodies, our brains are designed to face resistance for proper functionality.
Dr. Michael Merzenich discusses some simple activities that can prevent the dangerous slide into these devastating diseases in Soft-Wired. Some examples include:
Practicing careful listening during conversation
Completing jigsaw puzzles
Brainstorming 100 ways to use a brick (or any object)
Playing the “Association Game”
The Association Game is where you take a random object (e.g. a toothbrush) and think of anything you can associate with that object (e.g. toothpaste, bathroom, etc.). As you think of more things related to your original object, it requires more creativity to find more associations.
The beauty of this game is you can play it anywhere and for any period of time.
The next time you reach for your phone while you are waiting for something, try playing the Association Game to boost your cognitive health.
Cognitive resistance can feel frustrating as we encounter the limitations of our knowledge. By embracing these limits, we are rewarded with fun new hobbies, strong cognitive health, and skills that can be used to help others.
Below are two scenarios that highlight how embracing cognitive resistance can improve your problems:
Feeling frustrated because you recognize that your current knowledge is insufficient
Feeling frustrated because you forgot your grandson’s name for the 17th time this week
Both are unpleasant feelings of frustration, but I would much rather remember my grandkids’ names with ease than keep myself in an environment where my cognitive abilities are never challenged.
The best way to embrace the suck in the cognitive domain is by becoming someone who values lifelong learning over the excitement of the occasional “I told you so!”. One way I try to maintain this value is by keeping a journal where I write one thing I learned every day. It forces me to reflect on each day to find something I didn’t previously know.
Existential Resistance
Another domain we experience resistance is in the existential domain. Depending on your beliefs, it may be more fitting to call this the spiritual domain. I personally have not taken much time to wrestle with questions regarding the afterlife, the presence of souls, and the presence of God(s); so I choose to call it the existential domain. Regardless of your preference, this domain is where we face resistance related to our sense of meaning.
Existential resistance comes from problems we face that challenge our morals, values, and our sense of self. An example of existential resistance could be a career dilemma where you no longer feel a sense of meaning from your work. It could also be where an event leads you to question what type of person you are. Problems that arise from existential resistance tend to be complex, so embracing these challenges require us to develop three skills in a positive feedback loop:
Humility
Without some level of humility, it is nearly impossible to face existential resistance. This is because we must recognize that our values and morals may be wrong in order to fully grapple with existential challenges. As we face more of these challenges head-on, we develop more humility because we further understand that we don't have all the answers.
2. Patience
Patience is a necessity because it can take years before any resolution to a problem enters the picture. Without any patience, we may choose to ignore our existential problems because they could seem like a hopeless endeavor. We develop patience as we further understand that many existential problems don't have any one correct answer. Embracing these problems helps us understand how much is outside of our control and how little we know.
3. Fortitude
Embracing our problems is not easy. It requires some mental fortitude, showing that we are willing to face some of the most difficult problems in life instead of numbing ourselves with distractions. As we embrace more resistance, we have more confidence in our abilities to handle difficult problems. With more confidence in ourselves, we can courageously face all kinds of existential resistance.
Maturation: The Easiest Way to Face Existential Resistance
Think about who you were 1 year ago.
Now think about who you were 5 years ago.
If those former versions of yourself had different codes of morals and values, or you feel like those were completely different people than who you are now, then congrats! You had the courage to face some existential resistance recently, with or without your conscious effort.
How do you face existential problems without conscious effort? The natural process of maturation. There are two components necessary for maturation to naturally take place with minimal conscious effort:
An open mind to question your beliefs
The ability to sit with discomfort
If you do not consider the possibility that you may be wrong, you will never mature past your current stage. An open mind that constantly questions your values unlocks the ability to feel existential resistance.
Once you feel this resistance, you must be capable of withstanding discomfort because let’s be honest: Nobody likes to be wrong, it’s an uncomfortable feeling. Our brains are wired to make sense of the world around us, and it’s a real kick in the back when we fail to do this.
If you can sit with discomfort for an extended period of time, you can conquer any type of resistance. Being comfortable with discomfort allows you to mold yourself into any type of person you want with any given skill set. Yes, genetics give some an upper hand and biological limitations exist, but again, our brains are Soft-Wired. You just need to be willing to embrace the suck, and more importantly, figure out what is worth facing resistance to you.
The best way to embrace the suck in the existential domain is by becoming someone who values tomorrow's better version of yourself over the comfortable distractions from today’s problems.
Conclusion
Problems follow us like our shadows, but this doesn’t mean they have to weigh us down. Embracing resistance does not solve all our problems, but it results in objectively better ones. Having the fortitude to face physical, cognitive, and existential resistances arms us with good health and skills to build a better tomorrow for ourselves and others alike. Since problems are an inevitable part of life, I leave you with this question:
What are you willing to struggle through to build a more meaningful life?